“I cried to God about it because I couldn’t explain it to anyone else.”
— (via xlifeincolourxxx)
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I’ve become so conscious of the fact that this life is the only chance I’ll get to experience what I am experiencing, to live the life that I’m living. I’m not sure what will come after. I’m not sure if that excites me or frightens me.
All I know is that when I look at my family, or my best friend or at the man that I love, I think about the fact that this is the one and only time I will ever be me and they will be the people I love. My mom will only be my mom for this designated amount of time, my best friend will only be my best friend in this life, and the love between me and the man of my heart will cease to exist in a matter of decades. One day we will all just be corpses decaying in the ground, serving our last purpose as nourishment for the earth.
I’m no longer interested in knowing if we are here for a reason or if our presence on earth is meaningless. I think there is beauty is simply existing for the sake of existing, and living a life you love.
It’s so fucking weird being a human and doing the things we do. Drugs, love, sex, money: all things that we use to try to alleviate pain, to enjoy life, to feel good (or to feel anything at all.)
I know that, at my lowest, I can’t feel a thing. I can’t cry, I don’t feel anger, I don’t have desires nor do I care about anything. Even with the pain I feel at this moment, at how short life is and how unfair it is sometimes for life to not give you what you so badly want, I would choose this over the former. I would choose this a million times because being a human in pain is always going to be more bearable than to feel nothing at all.